Forgive the rant

Today was the kind of day that started before 7. That means the two year old was cranky by breakfast. The kind of day where I barely managed to brush my teeth and never got around to taking a shower. The kind of day where they didn't nap at the same time, thus I missed out on my much needed quiet time. The children climbed everything in sight and refused to eat what I gave them. Structured games ended in fights, even coloring books ended in time out. The kind of day when we have no special activity or playdate to break up a long day of being cooped up inside and had to resort to McDonald's. The kind of day where children were belligerent and stubborn. And where I was more impatient and irritable than I should have been. The kind of day where if I could get 15 minutes to myself, without noise or children, it might have restored my energy and patience.

I have what I call the "5 o'clock blues". That's when evening is approaching, I've been with two adorable but crazy and energetic kids all day and I'm getting worn out. I'm trying to cook dinner and desperately hoping daddy comes home soon. Once daddy comes home, the girls run to him, I can finish dinner, we eat and he takes them downstairs while I clean up and feel strangely rejuvenated. But today there was no daddy to cure my 5 o'clock blues so we managed the best we could.

I love these kids. SO, SO much. But they wear me out. I see other moms who seem to NEVER get frustrated or short with their children. Or moms who have five or more children. And I just wonder, how do they survive a trip to the grocery store, let alone a whole day? There's only one answer. Magic.

I get reminded often that they'll grow up fast and someday I'll miss "these days". Despite the well intentions, I know. And I already regret how fast its going and feel that much worse for not cherishing every moment. I have the amazing opportunity of getting to stay home with them every day and find it both fulfilling and exhausting. I have overwhelming guilt when I do get frustrated and sometimes even yell at them (cringe in self recrimination). I wish I could appreciate and cherish every moment with endless patience, sweetness and love. Motherhood is the most rewarding and purposeful thing I've ever done, etc. But its also the hardest. My children are wonderful, sweet, beautiful, charming, smart, curious, gifted, talented and so much more (as I often like to describe). So maybe this post is just a small dose of balancing out all the others. Yes, they are wonderful. But yes, they drive me crazy.

looking forward to a good night's sleep and the start of another day.