things of this past week

my rollarcoaster commitment to journalling (it's a new word) must be in another slow spot. Always with momentum, just sometimes less than other times. (as in, once a week, instead of the nearly everyday that I am sometimes guilty of.)

Anyway. things of this past week.

Lent began. Notable for me because of the blissful enjoyment I get from reading my aunt's commission to write everyday. Her incredible talent with words takes form through her blog and incredible memories and stories come to life. It's inspiring, emotional, entertaining and spellbinding in the way that only a master storyteller can do. Read it, I promise you'll love it. coriconnors.blogspot.com

Playdate with grandma and grandpa. We surprised grandpa with a dinner picnic, since he was working late at the lab. The girls were remarkably well behaved compared to their normal crazy, full of energy and showing off selves. We ate dinner together and then grandpa donned the newly tanned buffalo hides and proceeded to chase them around the room. And by chase, I mean plodded along on his hands and knees while the girls squealed and ran and giggled with delight. After several laps, they decided he was a nice "buf'lo" and proceeded to pet him, climb on him and then take turns being the buffalo too.

Had a quick parent teacher conference with Butterfly's preschool teacher. She showed me some of her recent projects and her wonderful teacher was full of compliments and praise for our brilliant little girl. She said that her letter recognition is especially good for her age, her coloring is exceptional (she stays in the lines better than any kid her age that I've ever seen), she's eager to involve her classmates and sensitive to someone being left out and that she thrives when being given a job and getting to help. SO proud of this amazing kid.

Had a check up with my doc so I took AngelBaby with me while the big girls played with a babysitter. She showed off for the doc and was full of big smiles and happy jabber. But the real reason this excursion was fun is because AngelBaby and I went to visit family after the appointment. We got to see Gram and some of the favorite aunties and thoroughly enjoyed our brief visit. They got to cuddle the baby, we got to talk and it was wonderful.

As a side note, AngelBaby has another new nickname. Butterfly and I were holding the baby as Ladybug came pattering down the hall. Having just woken up from her name, she wandered quietly and hesitantly so I called, "come here Ladybug, come cuddle" (as I often do). Butterfly continued to pat the baby and cooed to her, "are you my Ladybug? no, you can't be Ladybug, you're the baby!" I asked her what we should call the baby. she replied, "hm, I think the baby is your flower. Then I can sing to her" and she launched into the song from Disney's Tangled "flower, gleam and glow..."

On Friday night we drove up north and met my parents and sister for some errands and dinner and a Chinese restaurant. My big girls bounced off the walls, eating some of their dinner but mostly enthralled with the discovery of chopsticks. Ladybug held them in one hand while using the other to shovel lo mein into her mouth but Butterfly diligently worked at manipulating them. She tried hard, repeatedly asking her Papa for help until she abandoned his method and settled for using a single chopstick to spear her food. It was much more productive.

We arrive late at Grammy and Papa's house and stopped for a few minutes before continuing on to my brother's house where we crashed for the night. The girls were so excited at bedtime because the got to sleep in their cousins' room but both of them ended up awake and crying and coming to my bed in the middle of the night. I didn't mind, sometimes it's nice to have that cuddle time with them.

Daddy stayed home to work so Butterfly went with her uncles and cousins to Lowe's Build and Grow workshop. She had a great time and came home eager and proud to show of her creation--a Valentines bud vase. Meanwhile, we kept the younger girls at the house to play. The girls had a blast playing with their cousins all day. And then in the evening, we had a "dippin dinner" (fondue but with individual servings of sauces--it's works out better that way with so many kids trying to share). The food was plentiful and delicious, the company was wonderful and it was, all in all, a great evening. After dinner we decided to head home. In part because we realized some of the kids were sick and we were worried about exposure and partly because we missed daddy. So we drove home, showered to get rid of any chance of our getting sick too and settled into bed.

more on that--in the end everything was okay and it's not really worth mentioning except it was a good "mom moment" for me. When we first arrived, we realized my nephew had a rash, possibly shingles. His parents were being cautious but not overly concerned. However, I put up a fuss, concerned about my five month old baby and her immature immune system. Without a confirmed diagnosis, I didn't want to take a chance on my baby developing chicken pox which can be pretty severe and dangerous at her age. So my nephew had to sit out on the family activities the next day, staying home with Grammy rather than coming over to play. I felt bad, worried that perhaps I overreacted and not wanting him to have been left out if it turned out to be nothing. But I instinctively felt that I needed to protect my little one. Grammy reported that his condition worsened through the day and by evening, his parents took him to an instacare clinic. The doctor diagnosed him (and his sister) with a staff infection. I feel so bad for them! But am so glad to get a diagnosis and get them the treatment they need. As for my family, I felt much better about my overreaction and we all followed doctor's orders for a proper disinfection to eliminate any chances of sharing their misfortune. (Yea for trusting your instincts and sticking up for them, even when you might just be overreacting.)

Sunday was slightly less chaotic than our usual craziness, which made for a really nice day together. After our late night arrival and disinfection party, we slept in, had breakfast, played, went to church and then dashed home for a quick dinner and a visit from our home teachers. After that, Daddy's sister came over and we spent the evening having dessert and playing games.

Monday started early, after one of those rare but unfortunately rough nights for AngelBaby. But we muddled through our usual monday madness of picking up the clutter and running errands--the highlight of which is taking Ladybug to the store where she will undoubtedly insist on picking out a doughnut for Daddy. It was an especially good doughnut run though because we had good timing and even got to stop and play for a few minutes, rather than our usual quick drop off.

For Monday evening, we rededicated our commitment to a formal Family Home Evening program and it actually went rather well. Ladybug was easily distracted but we managed to accomplish what we wanted to do. Butterfly loved helping me make a dessert and was adorable as she proudly served it to her Daddy and sister. After dessert, I put the baby to bed and then we had some blissfully sweet cuddle time with our big girls. Daddy and Ladybug took up one couch while Butterfly and I cuddled on the other as we watched a movie. It was one of those perfect moments that I want to capture and hold onto forever. It wasn't really anything special. It was rather simple actually, but serene and wonderful, uncharacteristically calm and cuddly and the perfect chance to hold my fast growing little girl.

Today was more of the normal chaos, a quick trip to the gym, a playdate with a friend, folding ridiculous quantities of laundry, more indulgence of my new tv addiction Scrubs, continued neglect of the overgrown pile of paperwork that I was supposed to file three months ago (it's my dark secret in my otherwise slightly neurotic behaviors), slowly working at filing our taxes, going to my monthly Bunko party (I love Bunko night, I get to hang out with some amazing ladies), cuddle time with my girls and now blogging. Yet another productive day.

quote of the day

Butterfly: "shh, my secret spy name is Daisy."


Me: "your shoes are on the wrong feet."
Ladybug looks solemnly at me, looks at her feet and looks at me again. Then she bursts into a run (in place), "it helps me run better!"


Butterfly: "you're the bestest mom ever." (this is after I let her eat cereal for dinner.)


After another failed lesson of learning our colors by eating m&ms, Ladybug began tossing all of the baby blankets in various directions while naming them by random (and incorrect) colors. oh, and she has now claimed the matching burp cloths as her "panda baby" and "yellow baby".

busy week tidbits

time to play catch up.

had a fantastic Valentine's day. Surprised daddy with heart shaped blueberry muffins in the morning and chocolate dipped strawberries after work. Then we left the girls with their favorite sitter and went out for a lovely dinner. The food was fantastic! Grilled shrimp with unbelievably good flavor, crab cakes, steak oscar and chocolate torte. So so good. We took our time, enjoying the the food and talking. Life is so busy lately that it was a treat just to get a sit and talk, unrushed by the needs of children or the demands of work and school. Probably one of our best dates ever.

Butterfly had a valentine's party at school. She was adorable as she carefully printed her name on her valentine's card and helped me attach a candy to them. She came home bursting with excitement about the valentines she received and was eager to share the treats with her sister.

We spent an evening at Grandma and Grandpa's house and decorated cookies for valentines. The girls love doing this, smearing on the frosting and dribbling all the colors they can find. Ladybug mostly just plays in it and then samples each candy as she places it haphazardly on the cookies. Butterfly decorated more carefully (still looking haphazard but her concentration was adorable). They especially love the sprinkles (in huge quantities). They made cookies especially for daddy and their aunt and Ladybug insisted that each one was for her cousin.

Ladybug went with me for another check up with the foot doctor. (by the way, finally healing nicely, all sign of infection is gone although still having a little trouble with the nerve damage but that just takes time) She sat on my lap, asking millions of questions and insisting the doc check her feet too. He even humored her request to wrap her feet. We have an ongoing banter over school rivalries so he tried prompting her to pick blue but she insisted on red.

We've been going to the gym regularly, the girls love playing in the day care and AngelBaby goes with me to the pilates studio. Except she rarely sleeps through class anymore and I usually end up holding her, trying to use her as my counterweight or laying her on my mat while I kneel over her (for push ups for example) The best moment was when I was holding her above me and began doing crunches, alternating sides to work my obliques. She swayed from side to side as I twisted and she began to laugh. Her face was so adorably happy that I began to laugh outloud too. Then the ladies on each side of me saw her face and burst into laughter too. What a happy girl!

We spent the weekend at my grandma's house, well stocked with toys and snacks to keep the girls busy while Grammy and I helped my grandma as much as I could. The drive took longer than anticipated since AngelBaby hardly slept and was fussier than usual. We arrived late friday evening with just a little time to play before I tried to get the girls down for bed. We had a rough night, especially Butterfly who coughed throughout the night, keeping herself and most of the rest of us awake (poor girl! I finally got medicine for her the next day and she did much better after that.)

We spent Saturday playing with toys, wandering the thrift store (more accurately, the girls staged their own fancy dinner with plates and plastic fruit that they found), visiting the park, watching movies (Ladybug called them her "dibi dibi movies", mispronouncing DVD) and trying to help grandma with projects at her house. We even got to play with my aunt for part of the week and my girls adore her.

On Sunday we went to church and the girls did exceptionally well and looking exceptionally cute, showing off and twirling in their matching dresses. They loved primary and nursery and I think grandma-great enjoyed having all of us there.

I spent some time over the weekend learning to use grandma-great's new dvd recorder and then teaching her how to use it to convert her home movies from vhs to dvd. The system itself is much fancier than the one I've used before, with more options and capabilities for recording (which means it took longer to learn to use) but was less user friendly for editing videos (good news to me since it confirms my contentment with my own system). Watching the home movies was the highlight of the weekend! The girls frequently pointed our someone, mistaking them for the wrong generation (for example, thought my dad was my brother or my aunt was my cousin). I never realize how similar we look to our parents until I watch home movies. But the best part was watching for my grandpa (and especially seeing my grandma's face light up every time). He passed away a little over a year ago and it was wonderful to see him looking to active and healthy, cracking jokes and working with his animals or helping with projects.

The drive home was long but we tried to keep the girls distracted with movies and snacks. I love being able to spend time with my mom so we chatted throughout the drive and stopped as needed to take care of kids. We were eager to come home and see daddy and the girls immediately glued themselves to him for the rest of the evening.

This morning was my first day back to the gym after nearly a week of skipping workouts and eating junk food. I feel awful. But hopefully I can remember this and use it to full my lacking discipline.

firsts

Today was a fun day of firsts.

It was the first day AngelBaby wore actual shoes.

The first time Ladybug participated in the sustainings at church (she thought it was fun to raise her hand).

It was the first time Butterfly said the prayer in Primary (she did so great! I stood by the door to listen and she motioned me to go away but I came back just in time to hear her. She wasn't scared at all, didn't need any help and was heart-meltingly sweet and sincere.)

And it was the first time I shoveled snow. Somehow I made it over ten year of living in Utah without ever having to actually do it myself (thanks to campus living and a thoughtful, dedicated husband). The storm dumped several inches on us. Daddy shoveled a narrow path for my tires so we could make it to church on time, but when we returned home this afternoon (and Daddy stayed for meetings), the plow had been through the neighborhood and left a wall of snow blocking the driveway. I left the car parked in the street and began to shovel. I made slow progress with the heavy wet slush but after 20 minutes, the snowplow driver came around again and took pity on me (not sure if it was the dress and heels or the car full of bored children that were most convincing). He cleared the massive wall and the driveway itself! I wish I knew how to send him a proper thank you because I appreciated it more than he could know.

quote of the day

or more accurately, new frequent phrases...

Ladybug: "hm, something missing." this is said with one finger tapping her chin and is done with mock seriousness and oh so adorable.

Butterfly: (and I swear I don't know where she learned it) singing her new favorite song, it goes like this "bow chicka wow wow baby!"

quote of the day

Butterfly: "I don't have guns. My dad has guns. But I don't have guns 'cause they're not pink." (yeah, because THAT'S the reason my three year old can't have a gun.)

Ladybug: "Mommy! That's Daddy's coat! You didn't ask, you in trouble, go say sorry!" (mind you, he's 2000 miles away)

Butterfly: "I wanna do that."
Me: "that's bungee jumping."
Butterfly: "yeah, I wanna do that."
Me: "I don't think that's a good idea."
Butterfly: "My dad can do it."
Me: "ok, we'll let Daddy do it."
Butterfly: "and then he'll teach me and we'll go together."

Ladybug: (overly tired, sobbing from her carseat) "please go home and find daddy. quick mommy, I need my daddy, please my daddy!"

Me: "who's your best friend?"
(no hesitation) Butterfly: "Daddy."

and AngelBaby chatters, squeals and jabbers all day. I love it. She talks nonstop, in a happy little babble that I don't remember from either of our big girls. It makes me melt.

new adventures

Last week we celebrated Grandma's birthday with Chinese food and the circus! It was actually (according to my poor memory) my first time as well as the first time for the girls and we had a great time! Butterfly was so excited to hold her tickets and she loved the fancy make up of the ticket taking ladies (who happened to be the high fliers as well). We arrived just before it started so our seats were on the far side but we still got to see the amazing show. AngelBaby slept in her carseat through most of the first act while the big girls sat on Grandma and Daddy's lap, taking it all it. Their faces lit up when the tigers came out and they also especially loved when the girls in their fancy leotards climbed the ropes and twirled and posed and spun high above the ground. At intermission, the floor was opened up and tickets were sold for the kids to ride the ponies and elephants but upon hearing the outrageous price, we decided on cotton candy instead. Ladybug was getting wiggly by then and Daddy patient held onto her and tried to keep her from climbing over the seats during the second act. (Eventually she grew tired and almost fell asleep on him) But Butterfly continued to watch with such excitement, squealing and clapping and taking it in with big eyes.

We also went to the Treehouse Museum for the first time and fell in love with this ingenious place. We met Grammy plus two aunties and cousins for a lunch date at McDonald's and then took Grammy and one of the aunties and her baby with us to the Treehouse Museum. It was fascinating, targeted perfectly for their age with the incredible displays and a huge variety of things to do. It was all imagination and learning based with plenty of places to dress up and pretend, to create stories, to play instruments, role play in a hospital, school, old west town, a barn, a fire engine as well as a whole area that contained "just their size" houses from different countries, complete with furniture, decor, books and pretend food. We even attended a show in the theater, "Blanca Flor", a Mexican fairy tale (similar to Snow White) and our little Butterfly was chosen to help act it out! (I'm so excited, her first on stage experience!) In this version of the story, there are no dwarfs but there are seven robbers who protect the princess when she's lost in the forest and little Butterfly was one of them! She paraded around excitedly, not really knowing what she was supposed to do but followed her fellow bandits with joy and excitement shining on her face. (meanwhile, Ladybug sat on the floor watching Toy Story on my phone since she had lost interest rather quickly)

motherhood

random thought #1: there's an article, as well as several "post if you agree" statements circulating on facebook congratulating mothers on all that we do. I find the article especially annoying because it actually calculates how much the salary of a mother should be based on their roles as cook, housekeeper, psychiatrist, secretary, etc. It's annoying because a.) it assumes mothers are the professional level of all those things, b.) it's a complete lie because if I wasn't a mother, we wouldn't "lose" that salary, c.) it's almost like a list complaining of all the duties a mother must shoulder, but mostly d.) I hate the arrogance and "congratulate myself" attitude of it. Having kids and being a mom is an indescribably wonderful thing but not certainly not because it makes me so accomplished or capable. being a mom is about the child, not the mom. Admittedly, there are rough days when the "look at all you do, you're doing a great job" pep talk helps, but it should come from a spouse, mom or perhaps a favorite aunt. But not my own bragging on Facebook.

random thought #2: working moms and stay at home moms. Many women make the choice to work outside the home as well as being a mom. It doesn't mean one is better than the other. It means that a woman chose what was best for herself and her family and I resent that both sides of the coin get insulted by someone else, simply because they have no right to judge.

random thought #3: just as much as we shouldn't brag and congratulate ourselves, we also shouldn't feel the need to defend it. For example, sadly common phrases include "I'm just a mom" or "I'm a stay at home mom but I love it." Instead, let's say things like "I have three amazing kids and let me tell you about them."

random thought #4: my baby is growing way too fast. I want to hold onto each of these precious cuddle moments and make-me-melt smiles but at the same time, I'm so excited about each new stage and adventure. But all too often, people are eager to tell me how miserable my life will be once she starts crawling, starts talking, starts walking or heaven forbid, becomes a teenager. Each new stage brings new challenges but it is inevitable and I'm looking forward to the good parts too so I try to avoid the "it's all downhill from here" attitude.

random thought #4: another annoying but well intentioned phrase is "enjoy these moments while they last". I know it's well intentioned but honestly, this is how I feel. My first reaction is frustration. I'm just trying to keep up, buried in diapers and tantrums and busy schedules. When do I have time to savor? (but yes, I am trying.) Reaction number two is guilt. I know that every moment of my child's life is precious and is flying by too fast. And I feel guilt because I spend so much time just trying to keep up that I'm not enjoying it more. Reaction number 3 is finally asking, "then how do I do that? how do I savor each moment? how do I deal more efficiently with the duties and drama so that I can enjoy it more?"

random thought #5: (less ranting, more sentimental) So many friends are having babies right now. Just in the last month, FIVE of my close friends or cousins have had a baby and for three of them, this baby is their first. What an incredible journey that they are embarking on. I'm a little jealous of the excitement that comes with the first baby. It's such a lifestyle change but now I sometimes long for the simpleness and intimacy of having just one. Each new baby has been their own special and incredible adventure but I miss getting to lavish all my time and attention on them, the way I could when it was just one. I see family and friends rallying around to celebrate and I love being part of that, but even that lessens with each new baby. Instead of the life altering firstborn, it's just the smooth addition of another special individual to my little world. And as that world grows, the further we get from friends and extended family. There's simply less time to spend talking (more children to chase), less attendance at their special events (there's too many to keep up with). Certainly, there's still just as much love though and that's what counts. My life, my little world here in my beautiful home gets fuller and more busy with each new and precious spirit that joins our family.

painting fail

(ironically, the entry I wrote last night is called parenting fail. but I didn't publish it because it's negative and whiny and not so fun for anyone else to read. But writing helps me unwind and reflect. Plus if I only publish the good stuff, it makes me look like supermom with endless patience and love and boundless energy and devotion. ha!)

onto today's story, painting fail...

Husband is averaging 60 hours a week at work. Plus 20 hours a week on dissertation. This means I have a lot of time on my hands. To keep myself sane, I go to the gym regularly (taking advantage of the free daycare), have playdates with friends and spend some weekends at my sister's house or my parents' house.

But this week, I decided on a "project".

I live in a beautiful house. The people who built it had very nice (very expensive) tastes and spent more than we would have (their loss was our gain right?) And when it comes to decorating, they had much more modern, bold tastes than us. But all in all, I like it. Slowly, we've been decorating and adding our own personality, mixing in more warmth and a more classic feel. One of the bathrooms was painted purple. It's a deep and rich purple, nearly grey. It's a beautiful color, but much darker than I would have been brave enough to pick, especially for such a small room. Since we moved in, there was a "nail pop" that cracked through the paint and assisted by two toddlers, tuned into an ugly hole. So Daddy patched it and eventually we got around to looking for the paint to cover up the white putty that now filled the hole. All the extra paint is stored downstairs for future touch up needs such as this. Unfortunately, there was no more purple. So we matched it as close as we could, thinking that we could do a quick coat on the whole wall if needed and no one would ever know.

A few nights ago, I got the girls in bed and assembled my painting supplies. I opened the can of paint and was surprised to see a much lighter color than I expected. This should have been my first clue. But remembering that all paint darkens as it dries, I primed and painted the walls. As I went, my nervousness grew--this was not the same color. The next morning, I checked my now-dry walls and lo and behold, not even close. Instead of a dark, nearly grey, eggplant purple, my walls were lavender, almost periwinkle. Which stood out as an obvious contrast to the deep purple that showed from underneath, around the fixtures, in the corners and the edges along the trim. My "quick coat" idea didn't work. Realizing that I would either have to try matching it again or could just resign myself to a different color entirely, I grudgingly taped the trim properly and carefully applied a second coat.

The next morning, I checked my handiwork and realized I still wasn't done. The first application had been quick, thinking that the color would match well enough that it wouldn't need careful attention to corners and edges. But since I was wrong, the corners and edges now only had one coat and needed more touch up. I also realized that the paint roller had left a streak of fuzzy flecks in only ONE swipe but it was glaringly obvious and ugly. So I sanded it down and applied another coat. That was round three.

This morning, I checked it again, desperately hoping I could be done with this stupid project and found that the section of the wall that had been sanded and repainted was not painted evenly and required yet another coat.

Next time, I hire a professional.


***2/6/2012
five. FIVE coats of paint and one stupid wall still looks bad. I'm using a semi gloss paint (thought it would be easier to keep clean in a bathroom where there is regularly splashed water running down the wall) and the light shines across it perfectly to highlight every uneven brush stroke and roller fuzzy that was left behind. So five coats later, I'm still unsatisfied and I'm out of paint. so from now on, visitors will be directed to use the downstairs bathroom instead.

big sisters

Butterfly is such a wonderful big sister. She loves to help me with the baby, is eager to fetch diapers, clothes, blankets or toys when I ask. She loves to hold the baby's hand (not always the best idea) and is really good about helping me with her in the car (telling me if she's asleep or giving her the binky). Lately she's begun talking for the baby such as "mom! I need my binky!" or "mommy, I don't want to be in my carseat, get me out!" But my favorite is how easily she can get the baby to laugh. She talks to her and coos at her in the same silly voice I do and AngelBaby's face splits into a huge grin every time. Butterfly will exclaim, "look I got a smile face!" and keep going until the baby starts to laugh, an adorable hiccup giggle.

Ladybug is a well intentioned big sister but still learning (bless her heart). She wants to help and talks to her and smiles at her. She tries to hold her arms or play with the baby's hands but I usually intervene since Ladybug's high energy and enthusiasm usually mean she's not quite gentle enough. (Or I've even caught her trying to pick the baby up, she wants so badly to hold her.) She tries to give the baby her binky but if AngelBaby doesn't take to it right away, Ladybug keeps trying and usually pushes too hard until the baby cries. She does help me by getting diapers and blankets though and she usually picks up the discarded diaper and takes it to the trash without me even asking. The best is when I throw it into the trashcan from across the room and Ladybug chastises me for throwing--especially if I miss, then she orders me to go pick it up and say sorry.

AngelBaby is growing fast, already well into her six month sized clothing. She smiles easily, laughs easily, loves to be held and is generally perfect. She has started sleeping through the night (8-9 hours and then usually sleeps 2-3 more after a feeding) but sleeps less during the day (we're down to two naps already). She loves to lay on her back with a toy mobile above her (we have a special "wiggle blanket" that the big girls know not to touch when baby is using it, this gives her a little bit of space without being stepped on). She's a good eater and is gaining weight quickly--I love her chubby cheeks. When she smiles, her whole face lights up and her cheeks rise in their round fullness. Even with a binky in her mouth, her smile is so obvious and so adorable. We have a diaper explosion about once a day, but since she loves being naked, I'm tempted to suggest she might be doing it on purpose. She wiggles and grins and kicks her bare feet and then goes quiet and sullen when I tuck them back into a sleeper. And she has become such a chatterbox! She babbles and coos for extended periods of time and it makes me melt!