tummy baby

Or baby in your tummy, is the two ways butterfly refers to baby 3. If you ask her if the baby is a brother or sister, she will tell you brother. If you ask if baby is a boy or girl, she will tell you girl. And more often than not, her name is belle. Sometimes lizard.

She occasionally tries to peek under my shirt to see the baby. It doesn't work of course but she did point out someone scribbled on my tummy (I have a ridiculous amount of stretch marks from my pregnancy with her). She also asks if she can hold the baby and I have to remind her the baby has to get bigger and come out before she can see or hold the baby. Of course then she asked how the baby gets out. Fortunately she was willing to accept my simple explanation that the doctor will help the baby come out.

Her new favorite is trying to feel the baby kick but has been unsuccessful so far. So instead she just puts her tiny hands on my round belly and sings to the baby.

Ladybug seems to not notice baby 3. But baby 3 knows her. When I cuddle Ladybug in my lap, I can feel baby 3 move closer to her.

We are almost halfway! And based on how big I am already, yikes.

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Gender Predictions

Only one person accurately predicted the gender of both of our daughters. I'll give you a hint, it wasn't me.

Having been raised with a heap of older brothers (some related by birth, some unofficially adopted), and being so grateful for them as my guides, protectors and friends, I imagined that my family would naturally start with boys so that my future daughter would also have older brothers.

Among friends and family, the predictions about our first pregnancy were mixed but strongly favored a boy. At our 20 week ultrasound, the discovery was made and we celebrated! We would have a beautiful little girl. And now I can't even imagine our family being any different.

We quickly became pregnant again. Morning sickness did not start as early and when it did, it was different. An old wives tale says pregnancy with different symptoms indicates a different gender but there's no science to support that theory. I was still sick, just differently. I'll spare you the details. Another old wives tale is heart rate. A faster heart rate means girl, slower means boy. The theory is about 52% accurate. But just in case you wondered, my babies (all three of them) have been on the higher end of the scale for a healthy heart rate.

So the predictions began again. This time the odds favored a boy for sure as all but two people who actually made a solid guess, said boy. I didn't know. You would think I'd have a "mother's intuition" about it but I wavered. If I had to make a guess, I would have said boy. Wrong again. Our second child turned out to be a beautiful, delicate and incredibly impish little girl. And again, it's so right and perfect that I wonder how I ever suspected anything different.

So baby 3 is on the way and we have another ultrasound next Wednesday. Statistics are a funny thing because they can be twisted however you like. If I already have two girls, statistics say I'm due for a boy. But since the birth rate is pretty even, statistics also say its 50-50. We already know a few people currently pregnant with boys so perhaps that affects statistics as well. If you can calculate the actual time of conception in relation to a woman's cycle, it also makes a difference in the odds of boy or girl but since this baby is a surprise, we can't guess well enough for that. The pregnancy symptoms are again, different. Other than a few weeks at the beginning, I've hardly been sick but then again, I'm not working anymore either. So that old wives tale is not a helpful factor in prediction. Another predicting factor is supposedly food cravings. Sweet cravings means girl, salty craving means boy. Yet when pregnant with the girls, I couldn't eat chocolate. It made me incredible sick (as did anything fried, greasy or too much meat). So what did I crave? Cheese. With this pregnancy, I have found that I can eat chocolate (but thankfully, it just doesn't sound very appealing or I'd eat way too much of it) but really what I want is chips and french onion dip. And watermelon. and cheese.

So are we having a boy or girl? I don't know. I have a suspicion but I won't voice it. What about the only person with an accurate track record so far? He has a suspicion too (more confident than I) but I'm not going to voice that either. Because really, it doesn't matter. I love this little baby so much no matter what. And I honestly can't say I "want" one gender over another. Having a little boy would be wonderful, finally a son for our family and we'd love the excitement of a little boy to change things up. But I can also easily picture our family with three little girls, all sweet, beautiful and as mischievous as they can be. A girl would be easier in some ways as I already have boxes of girl clothing and know better what to expect developmentally as they grow. But a little boy might help balance out this "estrogen ocean" and even the odds a little for daddy.

what do you think?

happy easter 2011

Easter is one of my favorite holidays. I have great memories as a child, of finding my Easter basket, getting a beautiful new dress, hunting for eggs in my grandparents' backyard (there was always one hidden in the tree and atop the clothesline pipe--I couldn't reach it but my brothers helped me), and a fantastic dinner. After dinner we would lay on the floor and watch a claymation movie about the Easter bunny and the discovery of jellybeans.

As a teenager, I began singing with the North Torrance Choir to prepare and perform an Easter cantata each year. Truly one of the most beautiful works of music, it was called "Jesus is the Christ" and this powerful and wonderful presentation of story and song, with its soaring high notes, complex and stunning harmonies and incredible emotion was and is still able to move me like no other music can. My senior year, I was chosen to sing one of the solos, as the role of the woman at the well.

This Easter was wonderful. We spent the weekend up north with family. Saturday morning, we took the girls and their cousins to Baby Animal days. We went for a pony ride, rode the train and of course, pet the baby animals. At my brother's house, we decorated Easter eggs, the children hunted brightly colored eggs filled with candy and tokens to be exchanged for prizes and had a wonderful turkey dinner. We watched the claymation Easter bunny movie and stayed up late to play with cousins. We spent the night at my parents' house and in the morning, the girls received and loved their beautiful new Easter dresses for church (Butterfly stood on a footstep and twirled "like a bell!"). After church, they discovered the baskets left for this special occasion and enjoyed another delectable meal (traditional Easter ham) and more time with cousins.

After leaving my parents, we visited more family, arriving just in time to invite ourselves to dinner and to join the tail end of the Easter egg hunt. More fun and games, more delicious food and more time with family--the things that make this Easter the holiday I enjoy so much.

One particularly wonderful thing about this holiday season was Lent. No, I'm not Catholic and neither is several family and friends who have helped me understand the purpose and sacrifice of Lent. My aunt offers a token of commission, rather than omission, by making a commitment to write everyday of the 40 day period. A gifted story teller and phenomenal writer, the magic she can weave with words is amazing. Using a random word generator to inspire her each day, she tells the stories of her life, perhaps not chronologically but has created a beautifully written narrative of her life. I never commented, feeling my words inferior to expressing how she made me feel but I read everyday and have to admit, am sad Lent is over because I will miss her beautiful words.

And finally, the reason that this holiday season is so wonderful. On the way to church, I tried explaining to my girls why Easter is special. Stumbling a little as I searched for the right words to explain to a three year old, I told her Easter is special because it is a celebration about Jesus and when he was resurrected. I had her repeat the word and then trying to explain the word, realized she didn't need all the details. Her innocent spirit simply needed to know that Jesus being resurrected means that we can live again. That he made a sacrifice so we can be together again. We will live with Heavenly Father and Christ again and that we will be a forever family. His sacrifice, so beautifully shared by Elder Holland is the reason for our joy this season. He lives. He loves us. And because of that very miracle, we can be with Him again.

bedtime battles

as a side note, this is my 100th post. I feel like I ought to have something really special or exciting to share. But not really. So instead, I'll just do what I do best and talk about my girls.

Bedtimes can be difficult for young kids. Before we had children of our own, we used to watch my brother's kids in the bedtime battle. Protesting, stalling, whining, sneaking back downstairs, etc. They were masters of it. And with four kids under five years old, it could be chaos. So we watched with the all too common attitude of childless couples, thinking we would never let our kids act like that. Well guess what..

As a baby (especially one with tummy problems), Butterfly struggled. And as a new mom, I didn't know any better. She was six weeks old before she slept a solid four hours. She was over a year old before she was consistently sleeping through the night. We had a brief but wonderful period of time where she actually slept 10-11 hours and then she learned to climb out of her crib. The problem is, trying to climb resulting in falling. So we quickly converted her bed to a toddler bed and she quickly realized she was free. She would go to bed like an angel, sweetly saying prayers and telling us good night. The door would shut and minutes later, she would creep out of bed, open her door and tiptoe down the hallway to our room. I would drag her back to her bed and start over again. This became a new, frustrating habit. Finally, one night my sister in law made a suggestion. I felt awful but decided to try it. I tied her door shut. I heard her get up, walk to the door and pull on it. When it didn't open, she began to cry. She sobbed for a few minutes, struggling with the door and then suddenly gave up! I heard her climb back into bed and moments later was asleep. Success! I was reluctant to admit my dirty trick, feeling as if I was putting her in danger by locking her door at night until I reasoned with myself that she wasn't anymore "locked in" her room than she had been when confined to a crib. So this became our new method. She almost always got up to pull at her door. Her protest ranged from timidly saying "knock, knock, mommy? hello mommy?" to deafening and heart wrenching cries. Sometimes it lasted five minutes, sometimes dragged on for nearly thirty. But eventually she would return to her bed and go to sleep. Even when she moved to her new bedroom downstairs (to give the nursery to her little sister), we continued to lock her door. I was hesitant to move her downstairs but then she slept 11 hours straight for the first three nights she was down there. Soon, locking her door was no longer necessary and we stopped. And again, we had a wonderful, peaceful bedtime routine. We put on pajamas, read a book, said prayers and climbed into bed. Admittedly, she still frequently sneaks out of bed and we hear her door shut. (we've watched her do this) She tiptoes to the bottom of the stairs and listens. She climbs to the landing and listens. She climbs to the top of the stairs and listens. And then ever so slowly, she patters down the hall to our room and stops just outside the door. Sometimes she sits and reads a book she has brought with her. Other times, she makes herself visible and waits to be invited in. But usually after a brief cuddle, she will go back to bed and sleep peacefully. As she has grown older, we have begun the age of nightmares and she has periods of sleeping well all night mixed with weeks of frequent nightmares and sneaking into our bed at 2 am. But we manage.

Little Ladybug began sleeping through the night at an astonishingly early age. She began sleeping 10-11 hours straight at night, without waking at 6 months old. We were shocked, delighted and very grateful. So while we fought bedtime battles with Butterfly, Ladybug slept peacefully. We call her the miracle bedtime baby because she practically put herself to bed. I take her into her room and lay her on the changing table. As I change her diaper she asks, "jambies? jambies?" (pajamas). As I zip her into a sleeper she cries, "bed! bed!" I plop her down, cover her with a pile of blankets and shut the door behind me. No rocking or cuddling needed. In fact, if I try to stall and read books or cuddle before laying her down, she becomes more wound up, crying and reaching for her bed. So occasionally I was actually sad, because I don't get to cuddle her very often. But on the other hand, we have friends that have to spent up to an hour rocking their kid to sleep every night and while that might be nice on occasion, it wouldn't be a good routine for us. So we are grateful for our miracle bedtime baby.

Last night, we decided its time for Ladybug to have a toddler bed. In an attempt to climb, she fell out of bed three times in one day. So last night, daddy converted her bed and immediately, our miracle bedtime baby was replaced with a monster. We tried the old routine but she immediately climbed out. I held the door shut from the outside, trying my dirty but effective trick again. She clung to the door and sobbed and screamed and sobbed some more until she nearly broke my heart. Eventually, we compromised. She lay in her bed, clutching her pile of blankets as I sat beside on the floor holding her hand. If I tried to leave, she cried. So I waited until she was asleep and tried to leave. She heard the door shut and was instantly awake and crying. Daddy took a turn with the same results. After three hours, exhaustion won. She slept peacefully until 2 am. Then she woke up, climbed out of bed and tried, but in her sleep-befuddled state couldn't get the door open. So she cried. And we started over. Eventually we gave up and let her sleep with us. Naptime today went a little bit better. I waited until an hour past her usual naptime and again, sat by the bed until she was nearly asleep. Her long eyelashes rest peacefully on her silky cheeks, her tiny fist holding a corner of the blanket to her face. Her breath becomes slow and even and her body finally relaxes.

I think back on the plethora of advice we were given, lay baby down before fully asleep, never cuddle baby in her sleep, don't nurse baby to sleep, run the vacuum while they sleep, etc. Some of it we heeded, some not. I did nurse my babies to sleep because it worked. We consistently swaddled when tired and it was wonderful. I always laid Ladybug down before fully asleep and yes, she learned to sleep on her own but now rarely wants to cuddle. Ladybug is a light sleeper while Butterfly could sleep through a hurricane. Each baby is so different but so very wonderful. So the bedtime battles continue, seeming so dramatic when I'm exhausted but not so bad in reflection. I have a wonderful daddy who helps me, cuddling the girls when they wake up at night, probably more often than I do. And now when I lay at bed at night, I cuddle baby 3 as I feel the flutters and pokes in my belly and wonder, "what will you be like?"

more milestones

Butterfly is spending the weekend with my parents so yesterday, daddy and I enjoyed cuddling Ladybug between us on the bed. It occurred to us that by the time Butterfly was this age, there was already another baby in the house (Ladybug was born when Butterfly was 17.5 months old).

Ladybug is thoroughly enjoying having all the attention to herself, and I have to admit, I like it too. I think one-on-one time is important. So we have been playing with her favorite toys (megablocks), reading her favorite books (anything with Cinderella or animals), watching her favorite cartoons (mickey mouse clubhouse) and cuddling. After a brief food strike, our feeding monster has returned. Favorite snacks are goldfish crackers and string cheese. Favorite foods (aside from anything she can dip in sour cream) are bread, rice, cereal and pasta. (we call her carbo kid). But a new favorite is oranges.

We got a first official sentence. She was protesting having been put to bed so she stood crying in her crib. Finally she screamed "daddy come cuddle me!" (luckily he wasn't home or it would have worked). Last night, she was protesting bedtime again (up until this weekend, she was the miracle bedtime child with the easiest and shortest routine known to man). She was standing up in her crib, screaming and crying, and finally hit that dreaded milestone: she fell out of her crib. I'm sure it was an attempt to climb but the thump at the bottom sent her off into a fresh round of tears.

Other milestones, she has been without a bottle for over a week. Mostly I was tired of her intentionally dripping milk from them (she delighted in the patterns she could make on our dark hardwood floors). So we have moved onto sippy cups only with surprisingly little resistance. She also graduated to a booster seat (as she refuses the high chair and won't eat if we try to wrestle her into it anyway). She insists on a real fork and won't eat with a plastic baby fork. She loves to help me in the kitchen, her favorite chore is unloading the dishwasher.

She continues to be obsessed with our cats, shoes and her blankets. But now in addition to carrying around and sleeping with a pile of blankets, she wants a stuffed animal too. Her favorites are her new mickey doll from DisneyWorld and a little kitty with oversized, pouting eyes that I gave to daddy when we were still dating. She still sings when she eats (more of a hum or general vocalization but something she has done since nursing). Now that the snow has melted, she regularly begs to go outside ("shoes? ride?") and loves to walk holding my hand. In music class, she constantly dances and moves with the music and frequently vocalizes the pitches (especially at the end of the song). Even her music teacher commented and complimented her vocalizations and pitch.

She is now attending nursery at church and does okay when daddy drops her off. She clings to the male nursery leader (still showing a definite preference for men). She only cries for daddy if she gets hurt (even a little bonk, while not painful, reminds her she is away from daddy and gets her upset). Butterfly was eager for nursery, practically kicking us out of the room so she could play. But Ladybug, being more reserved and shy, has had a harder transition.

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cuddle

Despite not feeling well, its a blissful moment. The kind that I want to freeze in my memory so I can relish in it when my babies get too big for such moments. I'm laying on the couch, using the arm of it as my pillow. Ladybug plays "little spoon", curling up against me (at her own insistence) for a cuddle. Butterfly cuddles my legs, using my hip as a pillow. There's a pile of blankets upon us and I'm discovering that Ladybug is right, there is a strange comfort in holding the crocheted edge against my face. Her little body, hot with a fever, warms the chills of my body from a similarly unknown virus. butterfly isn't sick but always eager to snuggle through a movie and is a dedicated nurse, fetching the remote or her sister's drink. So yes, we may be sick but its still a nice moment.

:-)

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"excess"

Kids say the darnest things. And adults are hopefully not easily offended.

Last night at dinner, my little Butterfly is playing with her Grammy's arm, pointing out freckles or the design on her shirt. Holding Grammy's arm up by the elbow, she points to that unfortunate spot of loose flesh hanging from her upper arm. Innocently she asks, "grammy! What's this?" Grammy laughed good naturedly and after a short moment of fumbling answers its her "excess". Butterfly pokes at it, "your excess?" Curious and apparently feeling no impulse to tactfully move on in conversation, she over-pronounces the word each time, investigating this new discovery. She suddenly grabs my arm, "mommy! You have ex-cess? Look mommy, you have little ex-cess, Grammy have big ex-cess." I laugh and tease that women get excess when they join relief society (i don't think she got the joke). She runs around the table to check daddy and finding none, tries to check a reluctant little sister for this intriguing "excess". Ladybug resisted, so daddy performed the inspection and pronounced her without excess. Returning to her seat she continues to repeat her findings until we finally finish dinner. Ah, the tactless innocence and curiosity of children...

In other fun discoveries, Ladybug found her pockets today. She was wearing a pair of bright pink cargo pants (that make her instantly look 6 months older). Finding the roomy pockets at her hips, she shoved her tiny fists inside and wandered, happy and content with her hands hidden in this way. Later, I grabbed her to tickle her and discovered she had found another use for these wonderful pockets. She had stuffed them full of grapes. Mostly pre-chewed grapes.

Baby 3 is becoming more and more active. Evenings appear to be the favorite time to kick and wiggle and when I can feel the most movement. Baby 3 also has a new nickname now. I brought pictures home from last week's ultrasound and while they didn't reveal gender, we did get a clear picture of baby's face. I thought the baby looks kind of like a monkey. Cute, but like a monkey. So I brought the picture home to show daddy and the girls. Ultrasound technology focuses especially well on the dense bone structure and Butterfly refers to all skeletons as "pirate". So while neither the picture or nickname are flattering, we are having a "pirate monkey". Good news kid, there's time to grow out of that.

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a non-annoucement

yesterday, I went in for baby's 16 week check up and ultrasound. At this ultrasound, it is possible to find out baby's gender--but only if baby cooperates. Neither of the girls did. Butterfly held the cord tightly between her legs (we joked that baby must be a really optimistic boy or a really mischievous girl) and Ladybug lazily crossed her legs and rolled away from us. Both girls made us wait until the 20 week ultrasound to reveal their gender secret (and even then, Ladybug was especially reluctant). So I was hopeful, but mostly doubtful that baby 3 would be more cooperative that the girls were. So doc started the ultrasound, first finding the top of baby's head (baby is currently breech but with plenty of time to move) and moving down through the body, taking important measurements as he went. We reached the pelvis and Baby 3 had legs crossed and feet drawn up, covering those tell tale parts as much as possible and refused to budge. Baby has beautifully long legs and preciously tiny feet but no secrets to tell today. :( We'll try again in four weeks. I did get to hear the heartbeat, the speedy swush-swush (at 174) that pulls on my own heart strings, the wonderful sound of my baby's life.

Another "non-announcement". This has been an uncertain and difficult week as a close family member has been in the hospital. A bout with pneumonia just over a month ago revealed a shadow. More tests lead to the discovery of a carcinoma, or a tumor. This family member that is so important to me, is an unlikely candidate in every way but surgery to remove the offending lump led to the official diagnosis of lung cancer. So we spent evenings this week at the ICU to be together and offer support. Ironically it was the patient herself who was most calm and optimistic. The ICU waiting room is a difficult place for this family, (both my husband's and mine) who has spent seemingly more than our fair share of time in this sterile and unfeeling place where hope is fragile and unwanted memories rush to our minds. But this story has a good ending. The final test results are in--the cancer appears to have been contained and is now removed. No further treatment is required, only careful monitoring to make sure it doesn't return.

So this post is a celebration. Today I write about two individuals, both so incredibly important and precious to me and both with many more adventures ahead. I can't wait to share with them.

little miss rapunzel

Our copy of Tangled arrived in the mail yesterday. So when I got home (a little while after the rest of the family), little Butterfly had found and put on a beautiful purple dress-up dress, surprisingly similar to rapunzel, and was cuddling daddy as they watched the movie. She begged to wear the dress to bed but finally relented when we promised she could wear it tomorrow.

So today, she has worn the dress all day, watched the movie twice more and using a Belle pez candy dispenser as her paintbrush, pretended to paint the walls and mantle around the fireplace. Our cousin came over this evening and upon hearing his knock, she cried "its Eugene!" and has fawned over him ever since. She used her "paintbrush" to draw pictures across his arms and back and insisted he do the same to her. She smooths her hair, declaring it magic and cut like rapunzel. Daddy teased her, explaining her hair was magic because of the way her tiny curls bounce when you pull on the end. She giggled and joined in a chorus of "sproing! sproing!"

Meanwhile, little Ladybug's favorite part of the movie is the horse. But she spends most of the movie cuddling daddy or bouncing off the walls, playing with her toys. As "little miss mimick", she follows her sister around, copying her dancing, pretend painting and other antics. But all of this is done with a serious impish streak, teasing and pushing the limits whenever she can. She pushes and tugs on her sister, intentionally and mischievously trying to annoy her. She defies me, grinning as she runs away from my guidance and then returning close to tease and test me. But every once in awhile, she settles down long enough to cuddle daddy. And if we are really lucky, she will offer sweet little kisses, often reaching out to hold and position my face for her quick and delicate kiss.

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milestones: 3 years, 18 months and first movement!

We had our check ups this week so we headed down the canyon. Before doctor appointments, we met Grammy and Booga (which isn’t my brother’s real name but what the girls always call him) for a quick birthday lunch. The best part was Butterfly wore her birthday shirt that has a cute cake with three candles on top. We took turns pretending to blow the candles out, to which she would squeal in delight and try to hide her candles.

Butterfly milestone: She is 39.5 inches tall (95 percentile) and 35 pounds (80 percentile). She did an eye check for the first time which had her bouncing in excitement. I’m so proud of my big girl, who is ahead of schedule in pretty much every way. She is fully potty trained, without any accidents in at least four months. She knows her colors, shapes, letters and numbers. Her speech is great and her imagination is thriving. On the down side, she has entered the age of nightmares and “growing pains”—frequently waking up with leg cramps. She was incredibly brave, getting her last of the baby immunizations (and for the first time, having unfortunate side effects of a low grade fever and intense muscle soreness). She was entertaining in the doctor’s office, declaring she wants to be a doctor and mimicking our pediatrician as she examined Ladybug. Her speaking ability grows, using longer sentences and I’m proud of how polite she typically is.

Ladybug milestones: She is 34 inches tall (over 97 percentile) and 27.5 pounds (80 percentile), making her very tall and very skinny. This kid used to inhale food, eating seven jars of baby food every day and went through a box of cheerios nearly every week. But more recently, has become very picky and uninterested in food. Even past favorites such as grapes, bananas and yogurt are losing their appeal and she has to be coaxed to eat. The only thing she will consistently eat with any amount of eagerness is French fries. Ladybug’s physical progress is great, she’s growing steadily and her balance and dexterity are perfect. In fact, I frequently joke about what a mountain goat she has become, climbing anything and everything without fear. She is speaking more and more, acquiring a wide range of vocabulary that she can say with near perfect pronunciation and increasingly less baby jabber. However, during our trip, she began saying “munga”, which she says repeatedly and with excitement. We’re still not sure what it means but it’s cute. Only recently has she begun watching movies for longer periods of time, still preferring to play with toys, especially blocks and her kitchen. She and her blanket remain inseparable and she is such a Daddy’s girl. She’s a great sleeper, typically sleeping nearly ten hours at night without waking. We decided not to do her immunizations yet, since she seems to have picked up the same 24 virus Butterfly had, making her fussy and clingy with a raging fever, so we will have to catch up on those next week.

Baby 3 has a check up next week, including an ultrasound so hopefully we will learn a little more about him or her. I realized this week that if I look straight down, while standing, I can no longer see my toes. My belly is growing quickly, making my pregnancy more obvious. Most exciting: I can feel the baby move! Three weeks ago, we were sitting in the temple when I felt a very subtle but distinct movement that swept up the side of my belly. I wasn’t sure I could feel the baby move so soon (after all, I was only 13 weeks at the time!) but as these little flutters and gentle stretches have become more frequent, I become more confident that it is the baby stirring within me. I even asked the doc and he thinks that while most women do not feel the baby this early, that it is possible. I first recognized Butterfly’s movement at 19 weeks while sitting at a play (Paint Your Wagon) when I felt that same gentle, upward sweep inside, more distinct and intentional than any usual stomach rumbling. With Ladybug, I was unsure when I first felt her move. My stomach was frequently upset so by the time I finally knew with confidence that it was her, I realized I had felt the same movement for weeks. But I especially love when baby will be big enough that movements are more distinct. I love when I can play tag with him or her and am especially looking forward to daddy and the girls being able to feel the baby move too.