bedtime battles

as a side note, this is my 100th post. I feel like I ought to have something really special or exciting to share. But not really. So instead, I'll just do what I do best and talk about my girls.

Bedtimes can be difficult for young kids. Before we had children of our own, we used to watch my brother's kids in the bedtime battle. Protesting, stalling, whining, sneaking back downstairs, etc. They were masters of it. And with four kids under five years old, it could be chaos. So we watched with the all too common attitude of childless couples, thinking we would never let our kids act like that. Well guess what..

As a baby (especially one with tummy problems), Butterfly struggled. And as a new mom, I didn't know any better. She was six weeks old before she slept a solid four hours. She was over a year old before she was consistently sleeping through the night. We had a brief but wonderful period of time where she actually slept 10-11 hours and then she learned to climb out of her crib. The problem is, trying to climb resulting in falling. So we quickly converted her bed to a toddler bed and she quickly realized she was free. She would go to bed like an angel, sweetly saying prayers and telling us good night. The door would shut and minutes later, she would creep out of bed, open her door and tiptoe down the hallway to our room. I would drag her back to her bed and start over again. This became a new, frustrating habit. Finally, one night my sister in law made a suggestion. I felt awful but decided to try it. I tied her door shut. I heard her get up, walk to the door and pull on it. When it didn't open, she began to cry. She sobbed for a few minutes, struggling with the door and then suddenly gave up! I heard her climb back into bed and moments later was asleep. Success! I was reluctant to admit my dirty trick, feeling as if I was putting her in danger by locking her door at night until I reasoned with myself that she wasn't anymore "locked in" her room than she had been when confined to a crib. So this became our new method. She almost always got up to pull at her door. Her protest ranged from timidly saying "knock, knock, mommy? hello mommy?" to deafening and heart wrenching cries. Sometimes it lasted five minutes, sometimes dragged on for nearly thirty. But eventually she would return to her bed and go to sleep. Even when she moved to her new bedroom downstairs (to give the nursery to her little sister), we continued to lock her door. I was hesitant to move her downstairs but then she slept 11 hours straight for the first three nights she was down there. Soon, locking her door was no longer necessary and we stopped. And again, we had a wonderful, peaceful bedtime routine. We put on pajamas, read a book, said prayers and climbed into bed. Admittedly, she still frequently sneaks out of bed and we hear her door shut. (we've watched her do this) She tiptoes to the bottom of the stairs and listens. She climbs to the landing and listens. She climbs to the top of the stairs and listens. And then ever so slowly, she patters down the hall to our room and stops just outside the door. Sometimes she sits and reads a book she has brought with her. Other times, she makes herself visible and waits to be invited in. But usually after a brief cuddle, she will go back to bed and sleep peacefully. As she has grown older, we have begun the age of nightmares and she has periods of sleeping well all night mixed with weeks of frequent nightmares and sneaking into our bed at 2 am. But we manage.

Little Ladybug began sleeping through the night at an astonishingly early age. She began sleeping 10-11 hours straight at night, without waking at 6 months old. We were shocked, delighted and very grateful. So while we fought bedtime battles with Butterfly, Ladybug slept peacefully. We call her the miracle bedtime baby because she practically put herself to bed. I take her into her room and lay her on the changing table. As I change her diaper she asks, "jambies? jambies?" (pajamas). As I zip her into a sleeper she cries, "bed! bed!" I plop her down, cover her with a pile of blankets and shut the door behind me. No rocking or cuddling needed. In fact, if I try to stall and read books or cuddle before laying her down, she becomes more wound up, crying and reaching for her bed. So occasionally I was actually sad, because I don't get to cuddle her very often. But on the other hand, we have friends that have to spent up to an hour rocking their kid to sleep every night and while that might be nice on occasion, it wouldn't be a good routine for us. So we are grateful for our miracle bedtime baby.

Last night, we decided its time for Ladybug to have a toddler bed. In an attempt to climb, she fell out of bed three times in one day. So last night, daddy converted her bed and immediately, our miracle bedtime baby was replaced with a monster. We tried the old routine but she immediately climbed out. I held the door shut from the outside, trying my dirty but effective trick again. She clung to the door and sobbed and screamed and sobbed some more until she nearly broke my heart. Eventually, we compromised. She lay in her bed, clutching her pile of blankets as I sat beside on the floor holding her hand. If I tried to leave, she cried. So I waited until she was asleep and tried to leave. She heard the door shut and was instantly awake and crying. Daddy took a turn with the same results. After three hours, exhaustion won. She slept peacefully until 2 am. Then she woke up, climbed out of bed and tried, but in her sleep-befuddled state couldn't get the door open. So she cried. And we started over. Eventually we gave up and let her sleep with us. Naptime today went a little bit better. I waited until an hour past her usual naptime and again, sat by the bed until she was nearly asleep. Her long eyelashes rest peacefully on her silky cheeks, her tiny fist holding a corner of the blanket to her face. Her breath becomes slow and even and her body finally relaxes.

I think back on the plethora of advice we were given, lay baby down before fully asleep, never cuddle baby in her sleep, don't nurse baby to sleep, run the vacuum while they sleep, etc. Some of it we heeded, some not. I did nurse my babies to sleep because it worked. We consistently swaddled when tired and it was wonderful. I always laid Ladybug down before fully asleep and yes, she learned to sleep on her own but now rarely wants to cuddle. Ladybug is a light sleeper while Butterfly could sleep through a hurricane. Each baby is so different but so very wonderful. So the bedtime battles continue, seeming so dramatic when I'm exhausted but not so bad in reflection. I have a wonderful daddy who helps me, cuddling the girls when they wake up at night, probably more often than I do. And now when I lay at bed at night, I cuddle baby 3 as I feel the flutters and pokes in my belly and wonder, "what will you be like?"