babyproof

is kind of an oxymoron. Because while the intentions are good, it rarely works.

For example, we were worried about the girls pulling on the heavy bookcases so we mounted them to the wall. Now they are secure and steady enough for scaling all the way to the top.

At our old house, we bought a kid gate. It was an attractive permanent gate that swung open when passage was needed. Butterfly used to stand up on it and throw her weight back and forth to rattle it as hard as she could. And then she quickly learned to pull herself up enough to fall over the top and land on her head.

We tried foam pieces that are meant to cushion sharp corners of furniture. Ladybug pulls them off and teethes on them.

We put babyproofing locks on the cabinets we didn't want the girls to be able to open. We have several different kind depending on the type of cabinet. One looks like a tall "u" with a cross bar. This is the worst one as Ladybug can just whip it off the knobs. Another kind has two loops that thread through the cabinet handles and then through a locking mechanism. The girls can't get anything out of the cabinet but they can pull it open enough to stick their tiny fingers in to be painfully pinched. And lastly, we have the under-the-kitchen-sink kind of cabinet lock that requires you to pull it open an inch and push down on a lever to release the lock. Unfortunately, my girls know how to open it.

We briefly put outlet covers on the electrical outlets only to find out that it made them even more tempting to play with since now they want to see if they can pull off the covers. We gave up on that idea quickly and decided they would just have to be taught. And if not, well, now you know why my daughter's hair is so curly. (...ps, I'm kidding)

Our house is absolutely beautiful but every door has a lever style knob, instead of a round door knob. Bad idea. So all exterior doors remain deadbolted to keep the children in.

The wonderful gas range stove that I love so much was designed with the knobs on the front of the stove. So if you ever come to my house and wonder why all the knobs are missing, they're in the overhead cupboard to the right, until Ladybug learns to leave them alone.

And as a sidenote, why do people give suckers to a toddler? I don't want her running around with a stick in her mouth. While I appreciate the thought, suckers and gum (both frequently given as they can be bought in bulk) are not good treats for children under four. Supervised and sitting at a table, my girls will love it. Running with suckers makes me nervous. Plus the drool factor.

And then there are all the gimmicky babyproof locks like toilet seat locks or door knob covers. We didn't even try those because I watched my brother install them and her daughter mastered them in less than a week.

My conclusion? The world is not childproof. The best you can do is teach them and pray. (...and I'm actually only half kidding on that one.)