cranky

and now for some rambling thoughts...

During Sunday's Relief Society lesson the discussion turned to the increasing disrespect of the younger generations, a topic I regularly resent because a) I belong to one of those "younger generations", b) I'm raising one of those younger generations and c) it's so whiny and unproductive.  But some good thoughts came out of it and it moved me further on a recent train of thought.  The women commented how so much of the increasing disrespect is related to a breakdown of the family.  I've never considered my family to be breaking down but it did get me thinking...

Our girls are pushing the boundaries lately of being rude and I'm trying to figure out why.  I think it's a combination of their age, the influence of friends and changes in their schedule.  But I also thought about how much Daddy has been gone the last few months, never for very long but there were a lot of nights Daddy had to study or has been away on trips.  I think they feel his absence and it shows up in their attitude.  But more than him actually being gone is perhaps because of me.  At the end of the day, I am worn out.  Especially if Daddy is gone, there are some days when I don't get even a few minutes break from my kids.  And I love them, being at home with them is exactly what I wanted! But on some days, by the end of the day, I'm worn out and more cranky than I should be.  I'm not as patient and loving, I just want them to go to bed.  If I'm not careful and intentionally work at resetting myself, I get short with them, which just fuels the cycle of crankiness and rudeness. 

I also know myself well enough to know that I will be cranky if I don't get enough sleep (lately, AngelBaby is waking up in the middle of the night again, I suspect teething?), if I need to eat (sometimes it sneaks up on me, like when meals are late because we're meeting up with someone else or something unexpected takes precedent) and if I don't make it to the gym that day (I think it's partially because I crave the anxiety release I get from physical activity but also because I get that brief break from my kids and get to do something I enjoy/be with other adults while I know that they are being taken care of).

on a related thought: I'm trying hard to better understand my kids.  Especially because we seem to be at odds more and more often lately.  With Ladybug, I'm struggling.  I'm still searching for the best way to communicate with her and discipline her and am hoping that it gets better with age and as she is more able to reason through a problem.  With Butterfly, things are getting better and better.  It's a balance because I do see some negative influence from friends or other kids but she is always my sweet at heart, gentle and emotion, eager to please little girl.  But one realization that has really helped (as obvious at it may seem) is that we've figured out that many of the times she gets in trouble is because we need to communicate better.  I get mad at her for not minding me but she thought she was trying to help.  For example, she is giving the baby toys and I asked her to leave AngelBaby alone since she's being too rough or overstimulating her.  But she keeps at it because she really does want to help.  So her and I are talking through it more and trying to figure it out.