supermom

Sometimes I feel like I spend the whole day waiting for bedtime.  I love my kids.  and they are exhausting.  I wish I was supermom with endless love and patience and creativity and enthusiasm.  I would love to fill their days with crafts and projects and games that would expand their little minds, help develop their talents and lead them to the incredible brilliance that no doubt they are capable of.  But most days, I'm just trying to keep up.  I envy moms that always have it together, and who spaced their kids enough that they can more fully enjoy each individual stage and focus on each child.  I know every mom has rough days too and you never really know what the most "together" moms are actually going through but as for me, I just feel like I'm treading water.  I'm not doing a bad job, just not quite the kind of mom I hoped I would be.

This week, I'm rededicating myself to it.  In the past few months, I self-consciously admit that my focus was the gym.  I'm there nearly everyday, usually for two hours.  I love it, the kids love the daycare and I'm thrilled with the effects.  I didn't mind giving up all other hobbies, t.v., reading, sewing, etc. for this.  I have a theory that a busy mom has very little free time and therefore really only gets one hobby at a time.  For me, it was the gym.  I've been plateaued at the same weight for a month.  And I worked hard at it!  I've been off sugar for over three weeks, worked out two hours a day, kept my calorie intake under 1600.  And the stubborn scale refused to budge.  So, I concede. I'm okay with this weight.  It's not ideal.  I would still like to lose two inches off my waist but more importantly, I want to restore balance to my life.  So I'll still do an hour at the gym every day (as much for my sanity as my health), but I need to give more priority to baking cookies with my girls, going to storytime at the library, doing crafts, arranging playdates, etc.

And by day 3 of this week, I'm exhausted.  I eagerly look forward to bedtime but once it's here and the kids are tucked away sleeping, I'm too tired to do anything.  But that's okay, I need to keep in mind that they are my world and if all I get done in a day is taking care of them, it was a good day. ...well, and the house.  Because it drives me crazy.  I disagree with the too-frequent advice of, "if you can't do everything, let the housework go.  the dishes will be there tomorrow but a cuddly child will grow too fast."  this of course, is said by someone who remembers barely treading water and wishes they had taken time to enjoy it more.  Which I understand and already fear that feeling.  But in the meantime, dishes left for tomorrow pile up awfully fast and smell really bad.  and send my anxiety through the roof.  I need a clean house in order to enjoy playing with my children. So yes, priorities and balance, I'm working on that.

other tidbits...

I love my new calling at church.  I teach Relief Society once a month (my first calling that is not in the Primary since we got married).  I taught last month, I loved it and it went great.  The lesson practically wrote itself, I had a fantastic object lesson to kick it off and I know that I had that heavenly guidance and confidence in the message that was shared.  I teach again this Sunday and the preparation is a completely different experience.  I've read it several times in the past month and still have trouble deciding how to go about presenting the material and I've yet to come up with a main point that would inspire an object lesson.  hmm.  so I'll keep working on that.

Next weekend is the certification workshop for Group Kick.  We had a planning meeting last Friday with all of the Group Kick instructors and I am SO excited.  I love these fantastic women, their humor, energy, enthusiasm.  It's going to be a blast to be part of such a team.  And as for the program itself, I can't wait.  It's going to be an intense, high cardio workout and I love that I will get to teach it.

potty training sucks.  And is not going well.

the house already had it's first showing.  That in itself felt strange as if I didn't actually expect that to happen.  It still feels a bit surreal.  I love this house, love this neighborhood.  It would be hard to leave but we know our reasons are sound.  Maybe I'm just still wrapping my head around it. 

my babies are growing way too fast.  Butterfly is 4 and a half and eager to be a young lady.  She's excited for school to start and begging to take dance classes this year.  She's loved gymnastics but we let her choose.
We are also getting her ready for another school year and some of these first-time decisions are mind boggling.  Which preschool? 3 day or 4 day/week programs? Which teacher? Art emphasis school or dual immersion school? Which dance studio? I realize that pretty much any of these choices will work out just fine.  But all the information and choices can be a bit overwhelming and I want to make the best choice that will help her reach her potential.

I love my charming little impish Ladybug.  She's such a good kid and her little personality grows and grows.  She's still devotedly a Daddy's girl but lately, I'm getting my fair share of hugs and cuddles too.  Lately we've been on a better behavior trend too with few tantrums, better dinnertime experiences and much better bedtime habits.  She goes to bed more easily and (mostly) sleeps through the night in her own room (more consistently than even her big sister).  Ladybug idolizes her big sister and they are great playmates, playing dress up, taking care of their babies, drawing pictures, riding their scooters and more.

And Lovely is getting huge!  I can't get over how adorable and charming she is.  She's perfectly lovely and sweet.  She's so well behaved that it's been very rare for her to be corrected.  But it has happened a few times, where I have sternly told her "no".  She looks up at me, with huge startled eyes and as if her whole world has been destroyed, she bursts into sobs, convinced that her heart is broken.  She has me completely wrapped around her finger.  I love her spontaneous little hugs with her chubby arms tight around my neck and her face buried in against me.  She's also started doing the classically charming "scrunchie face" with her eyes squeezed shut, her cheeks bunched up, her nose wrinkled and her open mouth grinning.  It is make-me-melt cute and suggests that our little Lovely is a little ham too.  She can easily and confidently pull herself up to stand and has even begun free standing a few seconds at a time or traversing a step or two while holding onto a table or chair.  I love her speedy little crawl, moving as fast as she can and then she whips around to sit on her bum and grin at me.  Sometimes she stops, pushes herself back to slide onto the floor.  It's cute and silly and so fun to watch as she slides and rolls on her belly.  If she's tired, she will slide onto the floor and rub her face onto the ground.  It seems to be her own fun little variation, just like Butterfly was our only baby to army crawl and Ladybug had her clever and curious little spider crawl.  We started her on formula.  Our nursing time was dwindling and then came to an abrupt halt when I had the flu and she decided she didn't want to nurse anymore.  But since I was at my mom's house, I didn't enough enough of my frozen stock and had to buy her formula.  She wasn't impressed.  It took several tries before she resigned herself to it but now goes back and forth easily between breastmilk and formula.  Her birthday is less than one month away and she can start cow's milk.

okay, enough rambling for one day.  (can you tell I took a long break halfway through? It's much less cranky.)